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Paul Ewen
Author: Paul Ewen 1 comment
  Paul’s random song playlist:

O: Tall Dwarfs - Nothing's Going To Happen
P: Little Annie - I Think Of You
E: Anti Atlas - Broken Doll
N: Loves Ugly Children - Surf Nazis Must Die
2: Unitone Hi-Fi - Wickedness Increased
0: Global Goon - Scott Cronce Is The CEO
1: Salmonella Dub - Orbital (Yasmin Dub)
0: Keith Hudson - Michael Talbot Affair
Submission Date:
16 Jul 2010 Category:   Flash fiction In Chap-book

Message In A Bottle No. 4:  Isle of Wight Ferry

Dear Sir/Madam,

I hope with all my heart that you will receive this message most promptly and directly.

I am currently on board a Wight Link ferry, and the name of the vessel is St. Faith. The waves are a bit choppy and I believe myself to be in treacherous danger.

It is not the tide that causes me to fear for my life, however. Rather, it is the murderous thieves that abound, running loose aboard this channel prison, causing me to creep about, terrified between the Promenade Deck, the Sundeck, and the Upper Lounge.

The carpet throughout the ship is a lovely crimson colour, sprinkled with tastefully designed yellow, blue and brown squares. I know this because I’ve just been sick all over it.  Also, I must tell you that I am very, very drunk.

But the important thing is this. On the bottom level of the ship are the various numbered car decks where passenger vehicles are parked for the duration of the trip. And right now it sounds as if every single car has been forcibly broken into, because there is an almighty racket of car alarms resounding throughout the ship. With every rough patch in the surf, half a dozen more go off. It’s the thieves! There must be hundreds of them! They’re stealing everything! They’re going to gut me like a fish unless you save me!

I am now going to insert this message into a plastic carbonated soft drink bottle, cap it and throw it overboard. I will throw it into the huge wake behind the ship that resembles a zipper opening the ocean’s trousers.

I’ll give you 20 minutes to save me before I throw myself off too.

Don’t spare the horses!

In great expectation,


Paul Ewen.


Video: Tall Dwarfs - Nothing's Going To Happen



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Sam Pennington's comments
I loved this! Travelled on the IOW ferry myself last week, and this sums up my experiences too! 		27 Aug 2010


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