Rather than commissioning pieces, the fourth issue of Beat the Dust was open to all writers to submit work. No theme – anything was considered. So, expect blasphemy, a gravedigger in Disneyland, Mark Ronson having sex with Lady GaGa on a piano, a dwarf pissing on dolphins, an actual message in a bottle thrown off the Isle of Wight Ferry and a child killer. Yep, it's creamy literary goodness, folks.
O: Tita Merello - Se Dice Mi Tita Merello Tango P: Peteco Carabajal - La Simple E: Anibal Troilo Y Edmundo Rivero - Mi Noche Triste N: Bajofondo Tango Club - Mi Corazon 2: Paulo Conte - Come Di 0: Carlos Gardel - Caminito 1: Shack - Daniella 0: Sam The Sham And The Pharaohs - Little Red Riding Hood
Ivy strained the fat from the custard and sighed. It was the Lord's fourth portion that morning and she was bored. When she first got her job with God she'd been really excited, but now, after 320 years, her heart had begun to pine for the men of a shipyard or barracks...
O: Iggy Pop - China Girl P: The Fall - Theme From Sparta F.C. E: Jake Thackray - Sister Josephine N: Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - You've Really Got A Hold On Me 2: Chet Baker - There's A lull In My Life 0: Lonnie Donnegan - Cumberland Gap 1: Le Tigre - Deceptacon 0: Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy
Submission Date:
16 Jul 2010
Category:
Flash fiction
In Chap-book
Title:
Lunch Break
Excerpt:
I am flicking through a fashion magazine. There are women and men in it. They are wearing clothes. I want to be a fashion model. I eat a piece of chocolate cake...
O: Tall Dwarfs - Nothing's Going To Happen P: Little Annie - I Think Of You E: Anti Atlas - Broken Doll N: Loves Ugly Children - Surf Nazis Must Die 2: Unitone Hi-Fi - Wickedness Increased 0: Global Goon - Scott Cronce Is The CEO 1: Salmonella Dub - Orbital (Yasmin Dub) 0: Keith Hudson - Michael Talbot Affair
Submission Date:
16 Jul 2010
Category:
Flash fiction
In Chap-book
Title:
Message In A Bottle No. 4: Isle of Wight Ferry
Excerpt:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I hope with all my heart that you will receive this message most promptly and directly.
I am currently on board a Wight Link ferry, and the name of the vessel is St. Faith. The waves are a bit choppy and I believe myself to be in treacherous danger.
It is not the tide that causes me to fear for my life, however. Rather, it is the murderous thieves that abound, running loose aboard this channel prison, causing me to creep about, terrified between the Promenade Deck, the Sundeck, and the Upper Lounge...
B: Same Old Scene – Roxy Music O: Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think) – The Specials O: Lullaby – The Cure K: Ernold Same – Blur S: Everything Counts – Depeche Mode H: The Diary of Horace Wimp – E.L.O O: The King of Wishful Thinking – Go West P: Cunts Are Still Running The World – Jarvis Cocker
Submission Date:
05 Sep 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
the stranger
Excerpt:
I can’t remember much of the evening. I’d only gone there to meet a date, but ended up sitting at the bar like a mug for the best part of an hour before finally accepting she wasn’t showing.
I downed the dregs of my last pint and was about to leave when a voice beside me said: “Here, let me buy you another.”
Before I knew it, a fresh pint was put in front of me and this guy sat down. At first I thought he was trying to pick me up, but something in his eyes said otherwise...
L: Hold on - Tom Waits O: If I could talk I'd tell you - The Lemonheads V: Say yes - Elliott Smith E: The seed (2.0) - The Roots & Cody Chesnutt
Top 4 hate songs:
H: I want you - Elvis Costello A: Screamager - Therapy? T: Be quiet & drive - Deftones E: The beautiful people - Marilyn Manson
Submission Date:
08 Aug 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
dirthouse
Excerpt:
It was a typical stagnant July afternoon, with nothing to do, and no one to do it to. Me and Fat Carl were down at the Dirty Lemon watching the transvestite floorshow. During the day-time the Dirty Lemon is hotter than a crack den, and twice as ugly. The air felt thick and dirty. The main attraction had a badly broken jaw that hung slack as he danced. Just another object of desire in this corrupted sink-hole...
Joe Nikita was born, lived and died in Los Angeles. He died of skin cancer and/or smog inhalation.
Submission Date:
03 Jul 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
adam’s rib
Excerpt:
“How’s bout it, baby?” says Matthew as he jabs his open palm into Aunt Fiona’s ribs. She crosses herself and shakes her head, looking at the big boy in front of her, over six-feet tall now, close to six-five maybe. But she will never know exactly how tall until he stops wearing his hair like a wildflower.
Lee Rourke identifies the novel/play/poem/song he wishes he’d written
Novel: Maurice Blanchot’s L’Arret de Mort. It is sublime in both the original sense of the word and its bastardised modern usage.
Song: The Smiths’ Unhappy Birthday. Simply genius.
Poem: Robert Lowell’s Skunk Hour. Just for the line ‘My mind’s not right.’
Play: Samuel Beckett’s Endgame. Because nobody can live with the end.
Submission Date:
08 May 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
the same space by Lee Rourke
Excerpt:
They came. Screaming along-side him. Roaring. Outside. Again. And again. Endless. The endless screaming. The endless roaring. Never ending. Endless. Endless endlessness. Just outside. Through the window. Outside. Screaming. Roaring. Past him. He waited. Broken. Static. He waited. Traction. Rubber on bitumen. The sky above. Grey. The bitumen black. The white lines. His feet tapping. His arms folded. He remained. Seated. Static. Quiet. Even the radio broken. Nothing. Just screaming. Just roaring. Over and over. Again. And again. Away. Going away from him. To their own places. One after the other. Caught in their space. The same space.
Vic Templar identifies the novel/play/poem/song he wishes he’d written
Novel: My instinct is to say Billy Liar, as that is my answer to most questions. However, how literally do I have to take the question? In order to have written any of these things I would have to have led a similar life at the same time and location as the author/playwright/poet, which puts a different complexion on it. I am pretty happy with my lot and the life I've led. Could I still be Vic Templar, born in Gillingham, Kent in 1965 and write Hunger set in 1890's Oslo or Ask the Dust? John Fante was a huge influence on and inspiration for my own writing, much more so than Waterhouse and Billy Liar. I saw something in his voice, the hopes, aspirations and day dreams of the young man, who wanted so much to be a writer, a big shot. I like works by Waugh and Pahalaniuk but wouldn't like to have lived their lives. Ditto Orwell, Camus. Alan Sillitoe seems to have led a full life - would feel very proud of Saturday Night, Sunday Morning. Heck, let's just say Billy Liar. Read it about 9 times between ages 16 and 41 and it has never let me down. I think it earned Waterhouse a few bob too. Ah, changed my mind. I wish I'd written Oracle Night by Paul Auster. I have only found him in the last 3 years, but am rarely less than dazzled by his imagination and his style, which makes me think I could have written his books - but of course, I couldn't. I'd be equally happy to put my name to the New York Trilogy, Timbuctoo, Red Notebook, Mr Vertigo and the last one (can't recall the title).
Script/Play: Billy Liar? Okay, let's pick something different. Forget script, assume you mean stage play. I like Pinter and Orton. Shaffer's Sleuth is another favourite. JB Priestley did some good plays about time slips, which I have read but never seen. I liked Faustus by Marlowe but have never seen it performed.
Poem: I have a bit of a blank spot with poetry, a bit like I do with opera. I don't understand the form or language. Studied Keats and Wilf Owen at skool, both of whom I liked very much. I like Under Milk Wood (poem or play?). I like my mates’ stuff - Billy Childish, Wolf Howard, Sexton Ming, Joe Ridgwell. I like Bukowski too, though not read him for a long time.
Song: Bloody hell, how am I meant to pick a song I wish I'd written? The Amorous Humphrey Plugg? Waterloo Sunset? I Say a Little Prayer? Too Much Monkey Business? One thing about writing a song is that other people might sing it. I'd like to have written a song and hear it covered by Paul Robeson, Sammy Davis, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, The Fall and Pulp. I'll go for Merry Xmas Everybody - still sung by Noddy Holder of course. Royalties would be good, but the main reason is that it always makes me very happy (though tinged with a little melancholy that it is no longer xmas 1974) whenever I hear it. I imagine thousands feel the same. I couldn't care less about the thousands who hate it like I hate Stop the Cavalry or Last Christmas. Merry Xmas Everybody is about the family, young and old, coming together, forgetting all their troubles and having a good time, which is exactly what my family did in those days. It is what I have tried to capture in my novel, Taking Candy from a Dog.
Submission Date:
08 May 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
bobby charlton was our dustman by Vic Templar
Excerpt:
No he wasn't, that's a lie, but it sounds good doesn't it. At least I don't think it was him. This would have been the late 1960s or very early 1970, before I started school. Every Wednesday they'd come round and empty our bin into that lorry of theirs. What a wonderful ritual. It was different back then.
Darran Anderson identifies the novel/play/poem/song he wishes he’d written
Novel: Nearly every book I read these days I think "you bastard, why didn’t I think of that?" and then crawl into a corner and cry (Sum by David Eagleman being the last one). The Bible would be interesting I 'spose, to see what you could get away with. The addition of space aliens when the plot starts to sag, wouldn't have done any harm. Maybe Bob from Twin Peaks as an apostle...
Song: John Frusciante's Running Away Into You because it doesn't really sound like anything else. Or Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights.
Script: Once in a while, these strange and disreputable oddballs are thrown up like Emperor Joshua Norton, Adolf Wolfli or Mad King Ludwig. Werner Herzog is a master of exploring these types of character and events (megalomaniac conquistadors, mirages, Russian mystics). His films are incredibly beautiful, but dark as hell too. The word genius should be used sparingly, but he's got a better claim than most. Could pick any of his scripts but The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser stands out. All the more because it's based on a true story. (Failing that, I'd like to have control of any Richard Curtis film and end it in either a literal bloodbath, or a really depressing orgy).
Poem: Tom Wait's Ninth and Hennepin There's more poetry in this than most so-called laureates could manage in five lifetimes.
Submission Date:
08 May 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
the old man and the traffic island by Darran Anderson
Excerpt:
It appeared, these days, that even the sight of an elderly man publically masturbating was not enough to stop traffic. “What was the world coming to?” he thought, as he put his flaccid member back into his pants. It’s all gone to hell.
He hated them. Every occupant of every car that kept him marooned. The adults who ignored him. The imbecilic children who waved. The dogs with their heads out the windows, tongues flapping like stupid flags. He hated their faces. Hated their gormless fucking faces. Each more wretched than the last. In fact it was safe to say, the only thing he hated more than their gormless fucking faces, was his own face. Gazing back at him as he lapped at the puddle. The kind of face that made him believe that God was an arsehole.
Clare Wigfall, award-winning author of The Loudest Sound and Nothing (Faber and Faber), was this week savaged by a rabid bat. She will be dearly missed by all who knew her. For more information about her life and work, please see her myspace page.
Submission Date:
07 Feb 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Chap-book
Title:
angus fade
Excerpt:
The other day I met a boy I used to know.
‘Do you remember Angus Fade?’ he asked me.
Angus Fade looked like his name. Pale orange hair crowned pale white flesh. Someone had left him out in the sun a little too long or put him through the wash a few too many times....
The remains of 25 year old Alan Kelly were discovered last weekend in his mother’s house in the small village of Rathnew. Alan worked as a film/arts journalist for a number of magazines - GCN, Butcherqueers, Penny Blood, 3:AM, Bookslut - as well as having a number of stories published with underground literary magazines. Gardai have not ruled out arson and are still searching for another young man who was believed to be with Mr Kelly at the time of the explosion… He also appeared in the gay romantic comedy Fur Coat and No Knickers and played Brian Jones…
Submission Date:
10 Jan 2009
Category:
Flash fiction
In Chap-book
Title:
that boy from santa monica
Excerpt:
I was always weary of every night. Any night, I knew, if given the chance it would take you in its arms and carry you away. That boy from Santa Monica.
I know that now all of this is/was just an operative fiction; our lives, the birds on wildlife documentaries, bodies pulled from the Liffey,...
Tim Wells, editor of Rising Poetry & East End bard extraordinaire asks Adelle:
Shag, Marry, Kill – Raymond Chandler, John Cooper Clarke, Thom Jones?
Tim, this is a hard one. As I wouldn’t want to shag, marry or kill any of them. John Clarke, well, he’s bag of bones but an interesting one at that. Maybe I could marry him and he could tell me how I make better tea than Nico ever did and give me a few poetry lessons whilst I’m at it? He could sing Evidently Chickentown to me in the bath. Raymond Chandler, well yes, mystery men are always good for a shag – I think he’s probably the best candidate. There’s something appealing about the idea of a man in an overcoat with a trilby on. I always found the Noir genre very sexy, so he’s probably the best of the bunch. Which leaves Thom Jones who I will have to kill. It’s a hard choice as his stories run on boxing themes and touch on some serious Schopenhauer ideology, which I’m rather partial to along with Kant….
Submission Date:
01 Aug 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
Why Net Curtains Are Symbolic In The North…
Excerpt:
It took what seemed like a lifetime to scrabble up Wingate Hill’s rocky track to the farmhouse overlooking the Vale of York. Every time I sat in the muddy fields listening to the squeals of stuck pigs, I would think of Nana baking giant Yorkshire Puddings in the old house she called ‘School House’. ...
Anne Goodwin is interviewed by her university tutor circa 1979
UT: Do you know why I've been told to see you? AG: No. UT: The University subscribes to a press cutting service. Whenever anything comes up in the press concerning a student, their tutor gets a memo telling them to meet with them. AG: Oh. UT: My bit of paper says you've won some travel writing competition. AG: I've already spent the prize-money. I got myself a music-centre and an Inter-rail ticket. UT: Isn't it a bit odd this writing lark? What's wrong with maths? AG: There's nothing wrong with maths. Some of my best friends are differential equations. And don't get me started on the beauty of the square root of minus one. But that little library on Level Two, it's so nice and peaceful. I just can't help writing when I go in there. UT: Well don't overdo it, eh? You don't want to end up with an arts degree. AG: Okay.
Submission Date:
05 Jun 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
the wilsons go shopping
Excerpt:
Christmas Eve in the supermarket. The Wilson dynasty has turned up with one representative of each of the four generations, as if to take part in some family game show. Having appointed myself unofficial captain, I have to say that I am pleased with our team’s performance so fa...
Me: 'So Tara, I hear you're now married with two kids, living out in the suburbs and slowly dying of boredom.' Tara: 'Yeah, and I hear you're still pretending to be a writer and slowly drinking yourself to death!' Me: 'I prefer my lifestyle option.' Tara, falteringly: 'And I prefer mine Joseph.' Me: 'So, would you be up for an extra marital affair?' Tara, blushing but suddenly coming alive: 'Well, now you come to mention it.......'
Submission Date:
05 Apr 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
days when the world was wide
Excerpt:
I was homeward bound and all alone, just how I like it. The sky was turning grey, a melancholy colour of uniform dreariness. I saw a dark bird swoop low and a skinny cat cross the road, its tail hanging in the air like an enigmatic question mark. There were no eas...
Q: What is this short story about? A: Demonology. And Southern Hospitality.
Q: Are you trying to find your way out of Hell? A: I couldn’t even find my way out of Paignton…
Q: Are you the one who has been running around Paignton with a pistol in his jeans? A: Only in my dreams.
Q: What would you suggest to anyone who has read your work three times and still not understood it? A: Read it four times.
Q: Where can we find out more about this violent, unstable landscape you write about? A: www.myspace.com/tomleins
Submission Date:
05 Apr 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
teenage peepshow
Excerpt:
My band got the name ‘Teenage Peepshow’ from a video we all watched at Gavin’s house one Friday night after closing time. It isn’t a very nice video but then again, Gavin isn’t a very nice man. Everyone was loaded up on grease and chemicals. I had a bellyful of conte...
pollock: why the hell do you keep writing poems about me?! sweet: because you're my favorite poet. pollock: but i'm a painter, you dumbass! and a semi-literate one, at that! sweet: but still..... pollock: no - no "but"! stop writing about me! do something else! get drunk! get laid! Just leave me alone! sweet: ummm.. aren't you supposed to be asking me questions? pollock: i said LEAVE ME ALONE!
Submission Date:
01 Mar 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
and these are violent times
Excerpt:
And eleven hours later, I’m 400 miles away from home and sitting at the bar. I’ve read my poems to indifferent silence and now I’m sitting at the bar drinking a coke. The guy that read before me is sitting to my left, and of course we’ve never heard of each other, and we have n...
Q: What are you eating right now? A: Celery soup. Q: Why? A: It costs fifty-three cents and is sort of white, so if it goes cold I can cut up bananas and pretend it is cereal and milk. Q: If you were a zombie, what kind of zombie would you be? A: An athletic one.
Submission Date:
19 Feb 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
it feels like october
Excerpt:
She was sitting at the bar. She didn’t see me, she was calm. I could be calm too. My friend, she couldn’t be calm. She saw the girl at the bar and said, “Let’s go, I think we should leave.” I asked her wh...
Q: What is the meaning of superkalifragilisticexpealidocious? A: I don’t know but it might be something quite atrocious.
Q: What is the smallest town you have ever lived in? A: Sahuarita, AZ. We had a general store, post office and tortilla factory/bar as our center of town.
Q: Which writers do you think will sneak up on you by surprise and dash you with their words? A: Ed Churchouse, Barton Smock, and Iris Appelquist.
Q: What does one do in Painted Post, NY? A: Watch clouds, listen to wind, and wait for Colonial Days to happen.
Q: What is the one thing you look forward to most this year? A: Going to England.
Submission Date:
19 Jan 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
drowning
Excerpt:
Mikela watches Jonah blow smoke rings around his pallid face in the half darkness. The wisps trail from his lips along the bridge of his straight, long nose before dissolving in front of his eyes. Light from the television screen reflects in his glasses as he sits motionless.&n...
Wanda: What do you love the most? Pandora: Inventing worlds.
Wanda: What do you hate the most? Pandora: Cowards.
Wanda: What do you dream of? Pandora: A lake in the middle of the forest. All is still and I know I’m not alone.
Wanda: What is your favourite line of poetry? Pandora: ‘I cannot make it cohere’.
Submission Date:
08 Jan 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
wanda
Excerpt:
'Cause I'm a Fujiyama Mama and I'm just about to blow my top!
Mom shouts to turn the music down, but I need it loud, I need it to scream and holler and wail and shriek. I can see Billy’s house across the street. I can see Billy’s got a pretty girl on his arm. There’s a storm gatherin...
Tell me about your new novel. It’s called The Missing Kidney and it’s published in 2008 by Social Disease. It’s about tarmac, Latino bongo players and grilled fish, but not exclusively.
Tell me about The Brutalists. The Brutalists are myself, Tony O’Neill and Adelle Stripe. Our debut collection is Nowhere Fast and it’s out now through Captains Of Industry Books here.
Didn’t you write a novel called The Book Of Fuck? Yes. It’s a masterpiece.
What is your greatest extravagance? Shoes. I’ve acquired five pairs of them in the past month. The latest were today, which I lifted from a pile of clothes dumped outside a charity shop. Brown leather ankle boot brogues. Then I felt guilty, so I posted a £5 note through the letterbox as payment.
What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Welsh rarebit.
Submission Date:
08 Jan 2008
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
sad tree surgeon story
Excerpt:
Modern attitudes towards mental health being what they are, those blessed with an over-fertile imagination find themselves with limited viable options when it comes to choosing a career. Me, I’ve never really bothered to waste much time on such matters. But every now and again the to...
q. how do you know when the poem's done? a. it usually hits me over the head with a period then runs into the next room q. can you tell the difference between fact and fiction? a. sometimes q. why don't you use capitals and punctuate correctly? a. cuz my deadly sin is sloth q. why don't you care if you're published? a. who told you that? a. you did. q. you believe me? don't you know i'm a writer? q. who's asking the questions here? a. i am.
Submission Date:
06 Dec 2007
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
rhetoric
Excerpt:
the sun's been going down earlier and earlier and earlier. oh not perceptibly but it's been shaving its legs closely from one year to the next. june knows this because it's her job to watch the sky with a stopwatch in hand and record the exact split second the eyelash falls into the gutter. &nb...
Q: How’s it going? A: Not too bad. Life is sweet, right now. Q: Why are all of your stories set in Paignton? A: Because I want to put Paignton on the map? Q: Why on Earth would you want to do that? A: Because Paignton isn’t just a shabby town made of brick, tarmac and concrete, it’s also made of memory and imagination… Q: Hmm. Did you just make that up? A: No. I wrote it on a piece of scrap paper earlier in the year. Q: Where can we get our pound of flesh? A: www.myspace.com/tomleins.
Submission Date:
06 Dec 2007
Category:
Flash fiction
In Podcast and Chap-book
Title:
in every dream home a heart-ache
Excerpt:
Her kohl-stained eyes start to water and she gets a mouthful of benediction. I don’t kid myself that our relationship is anything more than a series of sleazy psychological battles anymore. It’s a damn shame. Less than a year ago she ripped apart my bone-cage and sucked up my dead Paignton heart. We...
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