His aunt I am convinced spends the chiefs of her days confined to a coffin in a dungeon at Rosings
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A Truth Universally Acknowledged – The Secret Blog of Mary Bennet

12th April 1809

Tis done. Jane is engaged to Bingley and thus she too shall know his shameful secret, which I have been privy to for some time – yes, the secret of what little lies beneath his breeches! But hark at me, such indiscretion, shame on you Mary! Is it not indecent to speak of these things when such an occasion calls for congratulation and merriment? Yes, great blessings have been bestowed upon us all, for I too am the owner of glad tidings dear reader. A letter is come this day from Mr Pearson, my publisher (pray let me say those words once, nay a thousand times more – “my publisher!!”) to inform me that great joy was his upon receipt of my completed manuscript and the most excellent ink drawings. Mr Pearson has assured me that ‘Sin and Shamelessness’ will very soon grace the shelves of all dubious book-selling establishments the length and breadth of England. The good Sir did then conclude his letter by intimating in the most avid of terms his desire to commission future erotic fictions penned by the “soon to be infamous Donald Alfred Franks.” Yes, those were his very words. Infamy dear reader! Oh! what delight for am I not by my own fair hand and without the yoke of marriage, to acquire the same wealth and power with which my eldest sister Jane is soon to be blessed? I shall withhold from you a moment longer the last and most astonishing item of news and tell instead of the visitation to Longbourn this morning by a relative of Mr Darcy. His aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh did descend upon us unexpectedly and what a grievous displeasure did worry her features! I confess that a more fearsome gothic figure it would be hard to find in all of Transylvania.
Indeed it is my considered view that Mr Darcy’s inclination for perversity and scandalous conduct originates from an association with his aunt who, I am inclined to believe, spends the chief of her days confined to a coffin in a dungeon at Rosings. If not already one of the departed, so skeletal and pallid a creature is she that death must surely be imminent and agonising in nature. Give me leave to divulge at this point, so inspired was I by the good lady that she is to become the subject of my next novel. No-one is immune dear reader, no-one!!

And so to that shocking news which has rendered me all bewildered astonishment. When I spake earlier “tis done”, I referred not merely to my sister Jane but also to Elizabeth for it seems she too is to enter the state of matrimony. But can you deduce the identity of her future husband? I myself could not perceive it, nor can I still. Elizabeth is betrothed to none other than His Licentiousness, Fitzwilliam of Darcy! Give me leave to say I am in a flurry of spirits dear reader, one instance shock, the next a very great contempt, for has not the man denied his true feelings and allied himself to the wrong Miss Bennet. Yes, only I, Mary Bennet, have the true understanding of him. Oh! foolish, weak-willed man to conform to the conventions of society in this way. Darcus you disappoint me.

And so it is dear reader that I sit here in two minds. As much maligned Mary I am severely vexed. Mary, the plain one of the family, considered as silly as the two youngest; perceived as nothing in either beauty or quickness to her sisters Jane and Elizabeth, desires retribution and wants to have her day. And is it not very much within her power to do so, to put paid to both marriages and the family’s reputation with just one word about the publication of ‘Sin and Shamelessness.’ But Donald Alfred Franks begs to differ. He knows that such a disclosure would be highly damaging for the author. Thus am I faced with two such differing views as to challenge me exceedingly. Whichsoever I decide upon will afford a victory of sorts, of that I am very sensible. A vengeful revelation would afford instant gratification to be sure but with repercussions too horrible to contemplate. Yes, a pyrrhic victory indeed. On the other hand, biding my time, remaining at home to pursue my fictions and attend my mother in the solitude of her absent daughters, will bring forth sufficient riches to enable me to affect an escape on my own terms. Would it be so unspeakably intolerable to continue in my role of dutiful, scholarly daughter for a little while longer? By such means I would doubtless achieve my longed for independence but it would be a silent victory of course. No-one must know that Mary Bennet and Donald Alfred Franks are one and the same for success is dependent, is it not, on the good gentleman remaining distinct from myself. Oh! vexing conundrum. Yet, in truth, whilst it is tempting to give my family such pain as they have visited upon me with their slights and disregard, I do not think I can do it. Yes, my heart knows the honest course of action and for once I shall take heed of it.

The End






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Blogus, derived from the words blog and bogus, is a work of fiction. Each short story in the Blogus series is constructed incrementally over a period of time from the imagined blog entries of people or characters whose names and certain other features about them, may be recognisable to the reader. For reasons of verisimilitude, each short story bears some relation to the lives and/or careers of either a real person or persons, living or deceased, or a literary character or characters created by another writer. However, any words or actions attributed to such persons or characters, and indeed any relations or associations suggested between them, have been wholly imagined by the author.